I'll Never Tell
by Drucilla Black
Summary: Hogwarts, 6th year. Draco is a Death-Eater. His mission: To break Pansy Parkinson and bring her back to the Dark Side. The Conflict? His actions have forged a twisted bond between them that forces Draco's long-dead conscience to rear it's ugly head...
1. Prologue: Induction to the darkness

**I'll Never Tell…**

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WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.**

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing.**

Prologue: Induction to the Darkness 

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The young man stands unmoving in the circle of robed and masked Death-Eaters. Flames, emerald green in hue, dance around his legs but do not burn him.  The Death-Eaters raise their wands simultaneously, each of them casting an identical symbol in emerald light. A gothic skull with a snake's cranium peering from it's gaping leer of a mouth. It is the infamous Dark Mark. And tonight the boy standing amidst their circle shall have that image forever marked upon his skin and soul.

There is a crash, and the flames around the young man's legs begin to spread out and take on a darker hue. A tall, emaciated figure appears amidst the flames, heavily robed. The Death-Eaters immediately bow before him, hiding their masked faces in an act of mingled fear and respect. It is Lord Voldemort, the master of all that is dark and malevolent. So powerful and unsettling is his presence that few have noticed the pasty, undernourished man on his left-hand side, whimpering in fear.

"Up!" His voice is raspy and he barely speaks above a whisper, but he has no need to. After all, he is the centre of attention here. The Death-Eaters obey him, rising to their feet. Their fear of him is obvious, even behind their masks. The only one to express no fear is the young man in the circle. This is, after all, the destiny that has been paved for him, and it is not the first time he has been in the presence of Lord Voldemort.

"Tonight, we shall receive another powerful and worthy member of the pureblood society into our congregation. He is still very young, as I am sure you are all aware, but it is to my knowledge that he has shown remarkable…talent in the areas in which our congregation is involved. He has also proved himself to, so far, be loyal to our side, which pleases me very much." 

There is silence, and the flames grow higher and higher until the two in the circle are completely concealed from the Death-Eaters. Induction is nigh.

"Look into my eyes." Voldemort commands. The young man obeys, staring unwaveringly into orbs of darkened claret. Voldemort can sense the thinly disguised fear and confusion, but is unsurprised. After all, the young man has yet to reach his sixteenth year. Most Death-Eaters are at least seventeen on their induction, but as he informed the other Death-Eaters just moments ago, he has shown remarkable talent.

"Your arm, if you please." The young man takes a deep breath, and obeys, extending his left arm, and raising the sleeve of his black robe to above the elbow.

"Darkness Infinite!" Voldemort hisses, his wand pushing against the skin just below the man's elbow. A powerful, burning sensation takes over the young man's arm and he bites his tongue in order to prevent himself from screaming out loud because he knows that his Father is one of the masked Death Eaters in the circle. Showing pain would disgrace them both.

Finally, the pain begins to subside and just below his elbow is a Dark Mark, roughly the size of a Bronze Knut. It is black in colour for

 the moment, but later will subside to pale pink. Voldemort waves his wand once more, and a mask appears in his hands. He hands it to the young man, who puts it on without question.

"You are now one of my followers, Draco Malfoy." He states. "We believe in and we fight for a society of the most powerful and the most pure of blood. Our aim is to rid society of those who are not worthy to practise the magic of purebloods, such as halflings, mudbloods, squibs, and, of course, the muggles who consider our existence to be only in the minds of their children. And once we have won the battle against those who are impure, our society shall be the way it was always meant to be. Pure and all-powerful." Voldemort pauses as he looks over the young man, then something resembling a smile stretches his unsightly face.

"Unfortunately, there are *some* purebloods that refuse to fight for what is right and are content to live in a filthy, tainted world where unworthy peoples are free to practise magic. And there are some pureblood *families* that are currently trying to break their loyalty to me by not allowing their children to be initiated. I assume that you have an idea of which family I am getting at?"

"The Parkinson family." Draco answered in a low voice. Like the Malfoys, the Parkinsons had once been highly prominent supporters of the dark. However, since the fall of Voldemort nearly sixteen years ago, they had abandoned the Dark arts and even after his resurrection, the Death Eaters of the Parkinson family, such as Pansy's parents Julius and Cassandra, had never been present at any of the meetings. Voldemort knew they had gone over to the side of Light, and that they also had every intention of taking Pansy to that side. Pansy was not a person that Voldemort could afford to lose to the light side. Intelligent, powerful, pureblood. She was made for the Dark side.

"I have a task for you, Draco Malfoy." Draco raised an eyebrow behind his mask.

"What kind of task?" He asked warily. Voldemort shrugged.

"Not a very complicated one. As you know, the Parkinsons have misplaced their loyalties and I think that maybe you could…persuade Pansy that the Darkness is for her."

"Persuasion? What *kind* of persuasion?" Voldemort gave him that sickly smile again.

"I want you to hurt her. Break her so badly that she can never be put back together the same way. Destroy her faith in all that is good, make her feel that she has nothing and nobody left and then, when she is completely broken, she will fall straight into our hands and will never be able to leave us."


	2. So the Sixth year commences

**I'll Never Tell…**

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**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing.******

Chapter One: So the Sixth Year Commences 

**DRACO POV:**

I've been fidgeting for the past hour and a half. I'm bored from this trip, but I'm also nervous. The Death-Eaters induction from barely a fortnight ago is still fresh in my mind, as are the words of Voldemort. I'm no longer afraid to speak his name, but Father has warned me against using it in public, as well as being careful about who I show my Dark Mark to. We don't want anybody such as that awful Rita Skeeter mudblood reporter finding out that our family are still avid Voldemort supporters. That could land the family in Azkaban and a date with the mouth of a Dementor.

Voldemort also gave me a task to complete by the end of the year. He wants me to destroy Pansy Parkinson and make her enter our world of Death Eaters. Being a Malfoy and a newly initiated Death-Eater, I'm not entitled to care or empathize with any of my victims, but…I don't think I can do this. I mean, Pansy is one of my oldest friends and personally, our only disagreement centers on the sides of Light and Darkness…

Oh shit! There's someone knocking at the carriage door! I thought I put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign. Can't the stupid git out there read? Oh, great they're opening the door, where's my wand so I can hex…Oh, it's Pansy. She looks at me, smiling.

"No carriages left." She comments, letting herself in. As she sits down beside me, I find myself staring at her and realizing that she's come a long way from the skinny, spoiled bimbo with limp pigtails that I remembered from our first year. In fact, with her slender curves, shining chestnut hair and perky nose, she's actually become quite a feast for the eyes. Not to mention that being in Slytherin has sharpened her mind and given her a wit and cunning to rival my own. Pity she's already seeing Blaise Zabini…

**PANSY POV:**

He's staring at me again. Draco always stares at me now, but I don't know whether to feel flattered or awkward. I know I'm attractive; I was lucky enough to inherit my Mother's ice-blue eyes and chestnut hair, straight as a poker. My Dad blessed me with the flawless Parkinson skin and naturally slim body. I don't know whom I got my nose from.

Draco's staring makes me feel awkward I decide, but I mask it by staring back at him just as solidly. Most people find his Veela-like appearance (Pale skin, pale hair and silver eyes) attractive. I'm not among those people. Dark, exotic Blaise suits me better.

"So what subjects have you chosen for the sixth and seventh year?" He's making small talk, a possible sign that my presence makes him nervous. Then again, it could be anything.

"One Unit Muggle Studies, Three Unit Potions, Two Unit Advanced Transfiguration, Two Unit Standard Herbology, Two Unit Advanced Charms and Two Unit Advanced DADA." I answer, ignoring the face he makes when I say Muggle Studies. "What have you chosen?" He shrugs, a small smirk on his face. I've never seen him smile, only smirk.

"Same as you except with One Unit Ancient Runes and Two Unit Standard Arithmancy in place of Mudblood Studies and Herbology. Why the hell would you want to study mudbloods anyway, Pansy? They're a pathetic, dying race."

"All the more reasons to study them and find a faster way to eliminate them." I retort and he laughs, finally breaking the tension between us. I can hear clanking from the train corridor and pull a handful of Galleons out of my pocket. It's the food trolley and, before long, Draco and I have piles of chocolate frogs, pumpkin pasties and every-flavor beans on our laps.

"It's good to see you eating again." Draco says, and I can hear the sincerity in his voice, which warms me inside. 

I only managed to come to terms with and defeat a severe eating disorder late into our Fifth year. I had been a diagnosed anorexic since the end of our Second year and at my worst, I had weighed only 45kg, a dangerously unwholesome weight for my 5'7" frame, and my hair had begun to fall out.

 I had managed to pull through only because my friends proved their loyalty to me. Crabbe destroyed my scales so I could no longer obsess over the pounds I gained. Goyle and Millicent held me down at mealtimes and refused to let me go until I had consumed the miniscule amounts of food they piled onto my plate. Blaise made me feel beautiful again with gentle touches between the sheets late at night and stolen embraces during the day.

But it had been Draco who had helped me more than anybody, because I could go to him and pour out my misery to him any hour of the day, and he would always listen. I would lie in his arms in his dorm, my skeletal frame shaking with sobs, as my bottled-up problems would tumble hard and fast from my lips like hailstones from the sky. And he would hold me tight as I talked and talked, and cried and cried, stroking my hair with a gentleness that only I knew he possessed. And when I was unable to cry or talk anymore, he would wipe away my tears and talk to me.

"Never worry or care what anybody else thinks of you, Pansy."

"If people can't see what a beautiful, wonderful person you are then they don't deserve to know."

"In my eyes, you're wonderful and you're loved and cared about."

"Nothing negative you say about yourself will ever make me think any less of you." 

"Don't ever forget that, no matter what, I'm your best friend Pansy, and you are mine. Always and forever. I love you for being you."

It was the final one that stood out in my mind. For all his faults (He could be egotistical, discriminatory and arrogant), Draco was the best friend I had ever had because he had always liked me, as I was, faults and all. Not to mention I was the only person who ever had the chance to see that he had a gentle, caring side that wasn't entirely mythological. 

**DRACO POV: **

I don't think I can do this. I might be a Death-Eater, but that doesn't mean I don't have a conscience and Pansy is my best friend. I can't even fathom the idea of hurting or destroying her after all the shit she's been through. There has to be another way around this, there has to be…

"Are you alright, Draco?" And she's not making it any easier either by showing concern for me. Damn it! Why couldn't I have been asked to hurt Mudblood Granger or that Lavender Brown bitch from Gryffindor? Keep calm, Malfoy! Voldemort has given you this mission because he values you and needs to test your loyalty…


	3. Restricted Psychosis

**I'll Never Tell…**

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**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. And the Mental Illness info was found all over the net.******

Chapter Two: Restricted Psychosis 

**DRACO POV:**

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Two weeks. Voldemort is growing impatient with me because I have made no progress in my mission in the two weeks since I've been back at Hogwarts. I've tried the excuse that I must learn her strengths, weaknesses and personality flaws before taking action but the Dark Lord is nobody's fool. He's well aware of the fact that I have known Pansy since before Hogwarts and even more aware of the fact that I am supposed to be her friend, which displeases him.

"When you are on the side of Darkness, you do not make friends!" He has quoted this before on many occasions to new or aspiring Death-Eaters. "You must make ALLIES only, and you must be CONSTANTLY looking over your shoulder for them. TRUST NO-ONE BUT YOURSELF!"

I've written her a profile in my journal, figuring out what my Father would call "A plan of attack." They go as such…

NAME: Pansy Cassandra Julianne Parkinson

D.OB: 21/11/1986

HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5'7", 112 lbs 

APPEARANCE: Long, very straight, dark-brown hair. Hazel eyes. Pale skin.

LIKES: DADA lessons, Potion lessons, Unicorns, Xtreme Quidditch, Blaise Zabini, Being a Slytherin, Shakespeare

DISLIKES: Gryffindors, Lord Voldemort, Food, Kathleen and Nicholas Parkinson (Older sister and little brother. 7th and 3rd years)

STRENGTHS: Arithmancy, Spell Invention, Potions, Wittiness, Willpower (Bordering on stubbornness)

WEAKNESSES: Argumentive, Moodiness, Charms, Naivety

I've been in the library for up to four hours on weekends, searching the restricted zone for ideas to formulate my plan of attack. There are much simpler ways to break Pansy without magic, but Father has told me before that discreet magic is usually the best way as there is less chance of being caught with magic than with physical evidence…

Wait a minute! My fingers glade across the cracked, leathery spines of the aging Dark Magic books, then rapidly glide back three books to a title that has caught my eye.

Tormented Minds: An Almanac of Psychosis Spells & Charms by Lucifer Myrddin 

Mental illness! Now why didn't I think of that before? A way to satisfy Voldemort, keep within my Father's advice and break Pansy without causing her any physical harm…But it won't be easy. She suffered and survived mental illness up until late last year; a mixture of Anorexia Nervosa and Depression, so choosing the perfect illness for her will be hard…

My eyes scan the pages thoroughly, searching for the perfect illness. Thank Gods its all categorized, otherwise I'd be the one about to go insane from the overload of information in the book…

WARNING!!! THERE BE DARK SPELLS AND TWISTED CHARMS WITHIN THIS ALMANAC! AND WHILE, YOUNG READER, THEY HAVE NEVER FAILED TO WORK, THEY ALL COME WITH AN ATTACHED STRING…CASTING ONE ONTO ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL AGAINST THEIR WILL SHALL BOND THEE TO THEIR MIND AND UNTIL THE SPELL IS LIFTED, THOU SHALT EXPERIENCE ONE-FOURTH OF THEIR PSYCHOSIS… 

Hmmm…that does restrict my choices a little…Better be careful in what I choose. After all, she's supposed to be the one with the breaking mind…

**Generalised Anxiety Disorder: ** **(Paranoia Angstus Mentallus)**

**Children and adolescents with this disorder experience extreme, unrealistic worry that does not seem to be related to any recent event. Typically, these young people are very self-conscious, feel tense, have a strong need for reassurance, and complain about stomachaches or other discomforts that don't appear to have any physical basis**… …Hmm…It's a good one, but too many people experience this, and it's also very easily treated. Besides, it can just be brushed off as typical teen angst.

**Phobias:** **(Phobius [Insert phobia here] Mentallus)**

Phobia is an unrealistic and excessive fear of some situation or object. Some phobias, called specific phobias, center on animals, storms, water, heights, or situations, such as being in an enclosed space. No. Too predictable…

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: (Obsession Totallus Psychosis)

A person with obsessive-compulsive disorder becomes trapped in a pattern of repetitive thoughts and behaviors. Even though the person may agree that the thoughts or behaviors appear senseless and distressing, the repetitions are very hard to stop. Definitely out of the question. It was a little-known fact that Flint suffered from this ever since his third year and he dealt with it well.

Major Depression: (Agrimoni Majora) 

One of the mental, emotional, and behavior disorders that can appear during childhood and adolescence. This type of depression affects a young person's thoughts, feelings, behavior, and body. Like I said before, out of the question. She battled with this and won.

Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression): (Agrimoni Minora-Majora)

Marked by exaggerated mood swings between extreme lows (depression) and highs (excitedness or manic phases). Periods of moderate mood occur in between. During a manic phase, the child or adolescent may talk nonstop, need very little sleep, and show unusually poor judgment.  Yes, this could be the one I'm looking for! I'll get back to it in a second though, there's still more to look at in the book…

Multiple Personality Disorder: (Multi Persona Mentallus)

Rare condition in which two or more independent and distinct personality systems develop in the same individual. Each personality may alternately inhabit the person's conscious awareness to the exclusion of the others, but one is usually dominant. The various personalities typically differ from one another in outlook, temperament, and body language, and give themselves different first names. It's a better one but the outcome is too 'Iffy' for me. I'll put it on my 'Maybe list' for now…

Schizophrenia: (Mentallus Extremus)

One of the most devastating of mental illnesses. Young people with schizophrenia have psychotic periods when they may have hallucinations (sense things that do not exist, such as hearing voices), withdraw from others, and lose contact with reality. Other symptoms include delusional or disordered thoughts and an inability to experience pleasure. About one-third of patients make a 'full recovery,' one-third has recurring episodes while the remaining people deteriorate into a chronic condition.  It's the perfect mental illness, but the fact that it will enable me to feel some of what she is experiencing cannot be a good thing. Maybe there's a loophole in this one…

I close the book, sighing in frustration. Out of all the major mental illnesses, I have found only three possible candidates. Bipolar disorder, Multiple Personality Disorder, and Schizophrenia. Still, I am certain that this is the best way to go around my mission, so I can't give up yet. I reread them over and over, and it must be after reading for the seventh time that I notice a tiny asterisk next to Bipolar Disorder that tells me to regard the back of the book for more information.

Bipolar disorder has, more often than not, been mistakenly diagnosed as its more dangerous cousin, Schizophrenia, as the two have similar symptoms including hallucinations, mood swings and paranoia. One difference between the two is that Bipolar brings on increasing mood swings. Schizophrenia tends to bring on depression only in the majority of cases.

A small smile breaks out on my face as I realize that my plan has been perfectly formulated. I pull out a fresh piece of parchment to write a letter informing Voldemort that my plan shall take action tonight. Tonight, Pansy Parkinson shall be secretly inflicted with…*

*Yes, I know it was naughty of me to leave this on an edge, but I can't decide out of these three which one would make the most interesting storyline. Therefore, I am leaving it up to the readers to vote for the illness they want Pansy to have in their reviews…Happy reading!!!


	4. I know

**I'll Never Tell…**

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**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. And the Mental Illness info was found all over the net.******

Chapter Three: I know 

PANSY POV:

Damn! Damn! Damn! I've slept again and I'm running late for my first class this morning. 

I'm bolting down the stairs, trying to brush my wavy hair (no time to straighten it like I usually do), do up my tie and try not to drop my backpack all at once. Thank Gods my first class this morning is Potions! Professor Snape never kicks up a fuss if a Slytherin is late…

…I rush through the door just as Professor Snape calls out my name from the role.

"Here." I call in-between my panting. I hear a few sniggers from some of the other students and scowl at them. The room lapses back into silence as Snape continues down the role. I scan the room, looking for a seat. Draco and Blaise have taken up a desk, so that's out. Goyle and Mili are sitting together too. I don't want to sit alone…Aah...Wait a second!

There's a spare seat at the back of the room. I haven't seen the girl sitting at it before though. She must be a Ravenclaw because Slytherins have never had classes with Ravenclaws as long as I've been at Hogwarts.

"This seat taken?" I ask, plopping my backpack down onto the spare seat. She shrugs without looking up. Her hair is long and jet-black.

"It's a free country." Her voice is soft, but not shy. It sounds more like she doesn't use it much. I sit down and take out my Potions folder.

"I'm Pansy." I say.

"I know." She answers matter-of-factly, still not looking up. I frown in irritation.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?" It's a rhetorical question of course. Finally, she looks up at me and I can see her face. She's pretty, very exotic. Dark features. Large chocolate-brown eyes, flawless dark olive skin and full, pouty lips like that Muggle actress that Mili likes…what's her name? Oh yeah! Angelina Jolie!

"I'm Adrienne. Adrienne Anubis." She must notice the weird look on my face because she smiles at me. "It's Egyptian. I'm half Egyptian. And I'm sorry for seeming rude, but I'm trying to get some work done that I didn't do last night. I can't risk losing points for my house."

"That's funny…I've never noticed you in this classroom and we've already had five classes…what house are you in anyway?" I ask carefully. She shrugs and smiles again.

"I've missed the first three classes because I had the flu, and I usually prefer to sit at the back because I like to blend in. Also, I'm in Ravenclaw."

"Oh." We speak in hushed voices, while also taking down notes as Professor Snape lectures our small class (We only have 18 people!) on the ingredients required for making a Dreamless Sleep Draught. All in all, it's not a bad class.

The classes come and go, and I don't see Adrienne again until lunchtime. Her electives are different to mine; so the only class we have together is potions. I catch a glimpse of her sitting at the far end of the Ravenclaw table. She gives me a smile and a wave.

"Who're you waving to, Pans?" Blaise asks, sliding an arm around my waist.

"No-one you know, sweetie." I answer, reaching for a glass of orange juice. "And I thought I told you yesterday not to call me Pans." Blaise smirks, flipping his dark hair out of his eyes.

"And if I don't?" He's obviously challenging me. I smirk back.

"Then you shall have to endure a month of…abstinence!" I say in a mock-threatening tone. His hands go up to his face in mock-horror, then he smirks and leans into me for a kiss, which I happily give to him.

"Get a room you two!" A scornful voice interrupts our lunchtime kiss. It's Draco, of course. Who else would enjoy using that saying so much?

"You're just jealous that I nabbed her first, Malfoy!" Blaise grins like a Cheshire cat, his dark hair falling into his eyes once more. Draco rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, Zabini! I'm reeeeaaaaaalllllllyyy jealous that you nabbed the girl your parents arranged for you to marry when you were still in nappies!" 

Yes, that's right. Blaise and I have were betrothed to each other by our parents when we just a few hours old. It's one of those things that occur in pureblood families, especially in upper class ones. I'm betrothed to Blaise, but it's lucky that we do genuinely like each other. Draco is betrothed to Jacinta Dorians, a Slytherin girl he barely knows. Millicent is engaged to Crabbe, but everyone in Slytherin knows that she and Goyle have been together since the middle of the fourth year. 

Draco and Blaise are still arguing, so I sigh and get up from the table. They really need to grow up, those two! I'm just leaving the Great Hall when I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's Adrienne.

"Hi, Pansy…Um…I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk or something until we have to go back to lessons?" I check my watch. We still have more than half an hour.

"Sure." I answer, giving her a small smile as we walk out together. If Draco and Blaise have noticed me leaving, they're obviously not very interested. 

DRACO POV:

Stirring up Blaise has always been fun…and easy. I continue to argue with him and Pansy gets up from the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her conversing with a tall, dark girl I don't recall ever seeing before. Just before they leave the room, the girl swivels her head, and stares directly at me. She winks, and in that instant, I know. They leave the room and I continue on with my argument.


	5. Adrienne

**I'll Never Tell…**

****

**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. And the Mental Illness info was found all over the net.******

Chapter Four: Adrienne

PANSY POV:

"So tell me about yourself, Adrienne." I say as we walk through one of Hogwarts' many interesting corridors. She smiles mysteriously and tucks a lock of black hair behind one ear.

"There's not much to say, really. Like I said before, I'm half-Egyptian, from my Mother's side. My Dad met her when his job transferred him to Egypt…He's a Muggle archaeologist. My Mum's a Pureblood. I went to Amun-Ra's Academy of Magic up until I was ten when my Dad's job had him transferred back here, and I'm an only child. Yourself?" I smile.

"English, Pureblood family. Father works for the Ministry of Magic. Been at Hogwarts since I turned eleven. One sister and one brother. Oh, and a boyfriend, you probably noticed me kissing him before?" Adrienne chuckles.

"The Spanish boy?" I nod. Blaise is half-Spanish, after all, from his Father. He was lucky to inherit the best features too. Tall and streamlined appearance. Dark, straight hair. Golden skin that contrasts strongly with my ivory complexion. And he has these hypnotic brown eyes with copper and gold flecks. I love him, and not just for his looks. His gentle, mystifying personality and lack of stereotypical pureblood bigotry was what actually drew me to him in the first place at the end of our fourth year.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No time. I need to keep on top of my studies…but…" She stalls, a sudden shyness overtaking her face.

"But what?" I can't help but smirk, wondering if she has a secret crush. She stares at the floor for a moment, then back at me.

"I don't want to sound too hopeful…but…Dyathinkyacould…"She mumbles incoherently. I snort, trying to hold back my laughter before asking her to repeat her mumbles. She chuckles somewhat nervously.

"Do you think you could put in a good word for me with that Malfoy boy? I've liked him for awhile, but I don't think he'll be interested because I'm not Slytherin…" I shrug.

"Well, he's not seeing anybody, so I'll try. But no promises." A small smile lights up her face, then the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. I frown, knowing that my next class is Herbology, and it's a theory lesson, which I hate. Adrienne rolls her eyes too.

"I have Three Unit Arithmancy." She grumbles. "Only Merlin knows why I would pick such a complicated subject. Oh well, at least it's my last lesson today." She turns on her heel and heads towards the next staircase to her lesson. I ignore the staircase, instead turning backwards to make my way to the greenhouses where Professor Sprout insists on holding all our lessons, both theory and practical. Draco and Blaise are, as usual (at least for Blaise), waiting for me at the door of the school.

DRACO POV:

Pansy smiles at the both of us, but raises one eyebrow in question.

"Aren't you supposed to be in Arithmancy right now?" I shrug.

"Study period, remember?" She nods in recognition as Blaise slides an arm around her waist. They're just about to leave when she calls my name.

"What, Pansy?" 

"Are you familiar with a girl called Adrienne Anubis?" Of course I am familiar with her, very familiar in fact, but, being a Malfoy, I go along with the act.

"Depends. Describe her to me?" 

"She was the girl I left the Great Hall with…" I nod. A smirk appears on Pansy's lips. "She likes you. A lot." I hold in a snort of laughter, but allow my smirk to show. 

"And let me guess…She asked you to 'put in a good word' for her?" Pansy shrugs, smirking. 

"Correct, Draco. But I think you should give her a go. She seems to be your type of girl. Exotic, attractive and intelligent." I shrug, still playing along.

"I guess I could take your advice for once, Pansy…That is…if you agree to set us up." 

"I will." Pansy agrees. "Now, bugger off! You're making Blaise and myself late for Herbology!" I laugh, and begin to ascend downstairs to the Slytherin common room, my thoughts filled with a mysterious girl, a promise to the Dark Lord, and my conscience twisting and writing within my body from the knowledge that I have done something very wrong…


	6. Love and lies

**I'll Never Tell…**

****

**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. ******

Chapter Five: Love and lies

PANSY POV:

Lately, my life seems to be going in ups and downs. I've been feeling so unusually happy since the beginning of this year, and Blaise and Mili say that I rarely stop talking or coming up with ideas. On the downside, my creative mind has been keeping me awake most nights, writing in my journal and thinking deeply about my life. It's now a Saturday night, and in the past thirty-six hours, I have spent roughly four of them asleep. 

Fortunately, I am not alone in my near-insomniac state. Draco has it too, though it is not as strong as mine. Sometimes, when I can't sleep at night, I find him sitting in the common room, his silver eyes locked on the fireplace. Like now.

"Good evening, Draco." I say, stepping into the light. His gaze remains unbroken. 

"Good evening, Pansy." I sigh, plopping down next to him on the lounge. He seems…different nowadays. He's colder and the closeness we once shared seems to be slowly coming apart at the seams. He no longer makes any comments when I leave my dinner untouched, and his complaints about my public displays of affection with Blaise have considerably lessened.

"Draco?" I am met with silence, and to my surprise, it hurts. It really hurts, because I feel like I am losing my best friend. I'm too sentimental, really. I can even feel the forbidden tears pricking at the back of my face, and I blink them away irritably.

"Draco…what ever happened to us?"

DRACO POV:

"Draco…what ever happened to us?" It's a perfectly innocent question, but I feel like a trapped rabbit. If I want to tell her the truth about what is happening and what has already happened, it would mean allowing the ugly head of my conscience to rear itself, not to mention completely losing her friendship and ending up in MAJOR trouble with Lord Voldemort. 

"I don't know what you mean." My voice is devoid of emotion, and quite suddenly, there is a jolt as she near-jumps from the lounge to face me, irritability evident in her eyes.

"Cut the bullshit, Draco! You know perfectly well what I mean!" Her voice has taken on a serpentine quality, an obvious danger sign. "Ever since you became involved with Adrienne, you've been drifting away from me. We used to be able to communicate so well, now I have to persevere just to make small talk with you. What's wrong with you? Last year you were the best friend I ever had, now it's like you can't spend enough time distancing yourself from me!" Once again, the guilt twinges start. Oh god, my dear Pansy. There's so much I can say, but at the same time, there's so much I must keep secret. But you seem so worried and persistent that I have to give you an answer, a clue to your upcoming fate, maybe…

"Do you know what happened to me in the summer holidays?" My mouth has gone dry in the knowledge that what I am about to reveal could very well destroy our friendship. I don't give her any time to answer but instead draw up the long sleeve of my pyjama top. Located on my forearm, just below the elbow, is a symbol of my destiny. 

Silence fills the air as Pansy stares at the mark on my forearm. Her blue eyes widen in a mixture of disbelief and sadness. Then she looks into my eyes, a small, sad smile on her face.

"You joined Voldemort this summer, I see." She sighs, shaking her head. "Well that explains a lot, Draco." There is obvious disappointment in her soft voice now, and the guilt twinges are starting again. GODDAMNIT! How is it that Pansy Parkinson is the ONE and ONLY person who knows how to make my conscience rear its ugly head?

"Pansy, please don't hate me for what I've done." Of course, I'm not just referring to my mark, but she doesn't need to know that. Sighing again, Pansy holds her arms out to me for a hug, and I respond.

"I could never hate you, dragon-boy." She responds teasingly, ruffling my hair. "I know how your family works, so you would've had to join him eventually…but why so early?" I laugh humourlessly.

"I got in on pure talent." I respond and she laughs in the same humourless manner, sitting back down next to me and resting her head on my shoulder. 

"So tell me, Draco. How are things going with Adrienne?" She asks after a moment, her voice dreamy as she gazes into the emerald flames in the fireplace.

"Swimmingly." I respond, running a hand through her long, straight hair. Anyone who saw us now would think we were a couple. "But she doesn't put out, which can be annoying when I want to get off." She chuckles, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see a smirk on her lips.

"Don't you wish you were in Blaise's place right now?" She croons teasingly. "Does he ever tell you what we get up to?" I can feel a smirk forming on my lips.

"Only that you both fuck at least four times a week." I reply smoothly.

"Actually, its five times a week and in positions learnt from the Wizard's Karma Sutra." She responds without missing a beat. She turns to me, smiling contentedly. 

"But there's not just the sex, Draco. I love him so much. He was my first, you know, and most likely, my only…" Her voice trails off, and a pang of jealousy hits me.

I know it would destroy our friendship, but there are times when I would really like to be more than friends with her. This is one of them. Sitting by the fire with her, sharing secrets and talking easily. She'd be the perfect wife for me. Beauty, brains, and a sharp wit to rival my own. Instead, she is taken by her betrothed and I am engaged to a girl I have never even spoken to. 

FUCK! I'm so sentimental sometimes…I'm Draco Malfoy, Slytherin, Death Eater and Malfoy heir, but I'm starting to sound so…out of character. But then again, this is Pansy, and she just has a way of bringing out my softer side as well as my conscience.

PANSY POV:

Maybe it's just something in the atmosphere, but I'm suddenly feeling very sleepy. I yawn, stretching my arms over my head.

"I think I'll leave you here, Draco." I say sleepily. "It seems my insomnia is wearing off for the night." 

_//Come to me, darling…Let me take over your soul…Let me rape you…let me destroy you…let me make you mine…//_

I stop dead in my tracks, the eerie voice sending shivers down my spine.

"Did you hear that?" I ask Draco. He looks at me.

"What? I didn't hear anything." He mutters, laying down on the lounge. That's weird, I *know* I heard that voice!

"You didn't hear the voice?" I ask, feeling just a touch nervous. He raises an eyebrow, confusion written all over his face.

"Draco, I heard a voice." I state plainly. "Someone was whispering loud. It was a man's voice. Can you honestly tell me you didn't hear what it was saying?"

"The only voices I've heard are yours and mine." He answers, sounding confused. "What was the voice saying anyway?"

"It was horrible! It was saying things to me like 'Let me take over your soul, let me rape you, let me destroy you.' Sis you *really* not hear it?" He's turned away from me now to stare at the flames, but I can see him shaking his head.

"It's probably just your mind playing tricks on you, Pansy. Go to bed." His eyes close, and I think that he might be right. It *is* nearly 4am, so maybe my imagination is just working overtime.

"Good night, Draco." 


	7. Goddamn this noise inside my head

**I'll Never Tell…**

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**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. ******

Chapter Six: Goddamn this noise inside my head

PANSY POV:

Monday afternoon, and I'm in my Charms Class. The day has been pretty unexciting, apart from the fact that Adrienne hasn't turned up to Potions today. I wonder if Professor Snape already knew this? He never called her name today…in fact; I don't think I've ever heard him call it. It's like she doesn't exist to him, but she never seems to mind that he misses her name in role call.

"…Then you wave your wand like so…" Professor Flitwick babbles on, waving and swirling his wand in the air, making it emit a trail of golden sparkles before a translucent, golden bubble encases his body as he shouts "Chanitromia!" 

It's pretty unexciting, really. After all, I learnt the Chanitromia charm back when I was a third-year. It's not hard but it is dangerous. The purpose of the charm is to remove things from one's body. For example, a tumor from the brain. But doing it wrong can often have pretty nasty results, as I learnt the first time I did it with my little brother's rat…

//Come to me, beautiful one…//

Huh? Did I just hear something? I scan the room under half-lidded eyes…No! I probably didn't hear anything…I guess my bored mind is just playing tricks on me…

//I'm going to rape you…I'm going to destroy you, beautiful one…//

I sit upright quite suddenly. It was the voice again. This time, I know it wasn't imagined. I heard it, I'm positive of that. That low, serpentine voice. I'm not going to drift off now. I'm going to stay alert and see if it comes again.

//Pansy…Pansy…Come to me, Pansy…I'm going to claim and destroy what is rightfully mine…//

Is it just me, or do the walls appear to be changing colour? The grey stone has gone a weird dark shade of red…hang on a minute…the red is – I don't know – the red seems to be sort of oozing down the walls unevenly, dripping, dripping like blood. 

Oh. My. God. It IS blood!!! The walls are running red with blood now, and with the blood comes even more voices, only this time, they're not speaking. My head is filled with blood curling screaming. Not just the screams of one person, but of many people. Screams that speak of pain and sheer terror. And amidst all that screaming, I can hear sadistic laughter.

I'm shaking now, I can feel it. Mili senses it too. She turns around and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Is something wrong, Pansy?" Concern is written all over her face. Oh Gods! Can't you hear the screams, Mili? Am I going insane or something? I shake my head violently, answering hear and trying to rid myself of this noise that won't get out of my head. But the screams only get louder now, as does the laughter.

//Do you hear them screaming, my dear…It won't stop…Unless you come to me, these tortured souls will keep screaming and screaming…//

I'm shaking even more now. My palms are sweaty with fear and confusion. The walls are bloody, so bloody. It's spreading all over the floor and its like I'm the only one who notices. Oh Gods! Somebody please stop this before I scream out loud!!!

Then, as if by fate, I hear a faint *plop.* Then another one, and another, all of them coming from above. I look up slowly, fearfully. The blood is up there too. It's dripping onto us, from the ceiling. The desks are spotted with fresh blood. It's in the hair of the girl in front, dripping onto her dark robes. It's covering Mili's workbook, but why doesn't she notice? I begin to look up again, partly out of fear and partly out of morbid curiousity, and its then that I become the next target. A particularly large amount of blood splashes onto my face, runs through my hair and stains my robes. And I begin to scream in sheer horror as everything goes black…

DRACO POV: 

A scream breaks me away from the images running before my eyes. Images of blood and tortured muggles. Like magic, the blood is wiped clean from my sight and the torture is over for me.

Pansy is laying slumped forward on her workbook, dark hair spilling in every direction like blood. Professor Flitwick is on the floor, the scream having caused him to lose his balance on his stack of books.

"What in the name of Merlin just happened?" He demands, sounding more frightened than angry.

"Please, sir, I think Pansy is sick." Millicent Bulstrode speaks up. "She was all sweaty and disorientated when I asked her if she was alright, then she just screamed and fainted. Should I take her to the hospital wing?"

"No, it's alright, Millicent. I will." I interject. She shrugs indifferently and moves aside.

"Yes…yes…that seems like a wise idea." Flitwick says, toying with his wand and curling his moustache around one finger at the same time. Pansy's scream must've really knocked the shit out of him. The man is shaking like – how do the muggles say it?- shaking like a jelly.

I scoop Pansy up in my arms. She's still very light so I wont have any problems carrying her to the hospital wing. 

"I'm sorry it was so horrific." I whisper to her as we exit the classroom. Thank god she's unconscious so she can't question my words…


	8. I love you and you must suffer

**I'll Never Tell…**

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**  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.******

**NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. ******

Chapter Seven: I love you and you must suffer

DRACO POV:

I hate myself so much right now. Pansy is suffering and while I hold the key to her release, I will not hand it over to her. I have my reasons, yes, but that doesn't ease the ugliness that is my rising conscience. I never wanted this to happen… …did I?

In a way, I *wanted* her to suffer, even if it meant experiencing similar things myself. I wanted her to suffer because she no longer has to conform to family values. I wanted her to suffer because she doesn't have to experience the burning pain in her arm every night, while I cast charm after charm to ease it. I wanted her to suffer for being able to choose her path in life. 

But most of all I wanted her to suffer for choosing Blaise over me after our Fourth year. Yes, I know we went to the Yule Ball together, but that was only because she had been too shy to ask Blaise at the time and needed a friend to help her through the rough times. Everybody believes we had sex after the ball because we left together, but I can honestly say that *nothing* happened! Pansy was sick and I took her back to the common room so she could lie down for a while. We talked and nothing else.

No, I'm not saying that's what I wanted to do! It's just how the night went, and personally, even though I would've loved my first time to be with her (I lost it not long after, but I'll never tell who it was to), it was not to be. Pansy's heart is with Blaise, and even if it's not that way forever, she will still be his until the day she dies. It is rather ironic though, that up until the middle of our Fourth year, everybody assumed she was trying to get me. It never was that way. She flirted with me because she liked stirring me up, and 'Drakie' was what she had called me since we could talk, it wasn't a sign of a crush.

If she had been after me for real, we'd be together right now.

I might as well confess what has become so blindingly obvious to all except a select few. I don't just love Pansy; I am in love with her. I have been since our second year when we bonded over our fear of the Slytherin heir and the Chamber of Secrets. I was the first one to notice Pansy's sneaky (and very Slytherin!) acts at the dinner table. The way she played idly with her food, crumbled bread rolls and let them fall to the floor, and the slightly bloodshot appearance of her eyes and face after bathroom breaks.

So why did she choose Blaise, when it was I who stood by her side and helped her pick up the broken pieces on every occasion?

PANSY POV:

What came over me? I'm lying on my back on my dorm bed, having only just left the hospital wing an hour beforehand because they found nothing wrong with me.

I shudder. That blood, dripping and oozing… …The screams, pounding through my head… …That voice… …It was definitely the voice that made me decide I had to be going insane. I know I've heard that terrifying, velvety voice before, from such a long, long time ago… …so why can't I put a face or a name to it?

"Pansy, Blaise is here." Mili says softly, drawing back my curtains. "Do you want him to come in?" Her hazel eyes narrow in concern. "I hope you're feeling better."

I force a smile on my face. Personally, I'd rather be alone, but I guess Blaise could 'help' me get these images off my mind for a while.

"No, it's alright, Mili. Tell him to come in." She nods without a word and leaves, allowing my black velvet bed curtains to glide back into place.

"Pansy?" A few seconds later, Blaise pokes his head through the curtains. His handsome face is unusually pale and worried. I smile at him, masking my confusion and nausea.

"Hi, Blaise." I hold out my arms, and he crawls onto my bed, embracing me fiercely. There are tears pricking from his eyes, which surprise me. Did my fit really scare him that much?

"Oh Gods! Oh Gods!" His voice is muffled from his face being buried in my hair. "You scared me to death, Sweetheart! Please promise me you'll never scare me like that ever again!" I can't help but laugh, despite the fear churning in my belly from the memories.

"Blaise, don't worry sweetie. I was just a bit ill from… …personal problems." It's not really a lie. I just don't plan on letting him know exactly what those problems were. I pull away from him briefly, planting a kiss on his forehead. He leans in and kisses me back. It's a quick, chaste kiss on the mouth, but I know I can coax more out of him.

No, I'm not some kind of perverted moron who gets off on nightmares. I need Blaise to fuck me. Not make love with me, like we usually do, but pure, hard-core fucking so I can forget those screams and nightmarish images that were so visible to my eyes. I don't care about pleasure. I just need to forget, for now.

I kiss him back. Hard. My mouth pressing against his, tongue hungrily probing his mouth. Though initially shocked at my unusual display of dominance, he gives in and responds to me. I pull away briefly and point my wand at the curtains.

"Locktus." The curtains now can't be moved until I cast Alohamora. "Silencio." Now nobody will hear us.

For once, I skip the teasing, and simply yank his trousers down roughly, removing my underwear at the same time. I don't bother with removing anything else and quickly impale myself on his hard length, wincing slightly. I move hard and fast, not wanting to waste time with tenderness, just needing to forget…

We've only done this once. Pure, hard-core fucking, and I'm actually rather surprised to say that I've missed it. There's a thrill of getting caught because we're not the only ones in the dorm. Because we didn't bother with foreplay, my body isn't fully relaxed and makes the whole feeling more intense. Blaise is obviously enjoying it too, judging from the clouded, lustful expression in his eyes, and the way his nails rake across my lower back, adding to the intensity of the whole situation…

…My orgasm, like the sex, is fast and fierce. I collapse on top of Blaise, feeling peaceful for the moment, despite the stickiness between my legs. He strokes my hair tiredly, a smile on his face. We don't need to speak right now. Everything is all right for the moment.

//Sleep peacefully now, my darling… …but I'll not be gone for long… …I'll be back to claim you, beautiful one…I'll be back to destroy and claim you…//

My eyes snap open, scanning every inch of what I can see. Oh Gods, it didn't work! Why did the voice come back to me? I curl up in Blaise's arms, holding him tight as I close my eyes again. I suddenly feel incredibly afraid.


	9. Perfectionbut it was 'just an accident'

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I'll Never Tell…

  
WARNING: Rated R for violence, sexual content, swearing and overall darkness. Don't like, don't read. Flames only keep me warm in winter.

NB: A dark Draco/Pansy shipping set in the sixth Hogwarts year. I own nothing. 

Hi everybody!!! Sorry for such a delay but I've really been uninspired and busy for so long…Hope you can all forgive me!!!

Chapter Eight: Perfection…but it was 'just an accident'

PANSY POV:

Everything seems all right for now, apart from the fact that I don't want to sleep again. Adrienne visits me on these sleepless nights. I used to wonder how a Ravenclaw could know their way so well around the Slytherin area of Hogwarts so well, until I remembered the unusual amount of time she had been spending with Draco. They seem to make a good couple, yet I rarely see them together. Adrienne has this little habit of coming and going as she pleases without anybody even noticing. She's just left me now, after a short stay. Adrienne's a nice girl really, though a little eccentric. She never wants to talk about her relationship with Draco, or her past. If I ask, she either goes silent or changes the subject. I've learnt not to ask.

I wish Blaise were here right now, but he's probably fast asleep because it's late and he was exhausted from Quidditch practice. We have a game against those stupid Gryffindors this weekend, so the team has been trying harder than ever. I must admit, I'm a little jealous. Quidditch has been getting more attention than I have this week.

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//You want attention, do you darling? Well, I can give you attention…I'll give you all the attention you want once I claim you as my own…//

My breath catches in my throat. The voice is back, and I hate it so much. It's been re-appearing when I least expect it, taunting my mind with its horrible, seductive words. At least I haven't had any more 'visions' as I call them. No more blood dripping all over the room or screaming Muggles. That was just too much for me to bear. 

****

//I know you're scared, my beautiful girl…you shouldn't be…all I want is your soul, your being…//

"No. Go away. Please." My voice sounds so tiny, so fragile. I can hear the voice laughing, the laugh skimming over my mind like a strip of velvet.

****

//Darling, I'll always be here…there's nothing you can do about that…//

"Go. Away." My voice rises slightly, and I can feel my scared, frustrated hands twisting in my waist-length hair.

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//You can't order me around…I'm your Master, my dear. I have complete control over you…you just don't know that yet…//

"Bullshit. I am the pawn of nobody! I am my own destiny, and nobody will ever own me!" I growl. I then stop to realise something. I have been having a conversation with a *voice inside my head.*

"Am I going insane or something?" I mutter. Fortunately, I receive no reply, so I can't be *completely* insane. Maybe I just need to take a walk and get some fresh air…

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DRACO POV

Insomnia again. Isn't it wonderful? Of course, it's for the same reason. It turns out I really *do* have a conscience, at least, when it comes to Pansy I have one. I'm going to make her break, I just know it, and I wish I didn't have to, but it's not as if I have a choice.

"Do you ever sleep?" I turn my head. It's Pansy again. It's a little strange how she always turns up whenever I'm having guilty thoughts about her.

"No, dear, I believe I don't." I drawl calmly, patting the space on the lounge as she walks over. "But feel free to join me." She obliges, resting her head on my shoulder. Oh, Merlin! I wish she wouldn't do that, it's killing me. This friendly contact isn't enough for me and it's really increasing the guilt levels. Not only am I in love with my best friend, I have to wreck her life before the year is out.

"I think I'm going crazy." She says after a moment.

"Why?" She sighs.

"This is going to sound really stupid but I swore I could hear this horrible voice in my head only a few minutes ago and I almost wound up having a conversation with it." I snicker lightly.

"That's not insanity, Pansy. That's what happens when you don't get enough sleep. It happens to me too." She smiles gratefully but her eyes still have that uneasiness in them. "Something else wrong?" I ask, putting an arm around her. I almost immediately wish I hadn't because it only makes me ache for even more contact with her. 

"I'm not sure that's all it is." She says hesitantly. She speaks slowly, deliberately. 

"Oh, why not?" I ask. She snuggled closer towards me, head still on my shoulder.

"Do you remember that day I screamed and passed out in class?" Of course I do Pansy. I know why you did it too, and I'm so sorry it had to be that way, but that's the way things go.

"Yes, why?" I ask, feigning innocence. She moves her head from her shoulder and looks straight into my eyes.

"Draco, I fainted because I heard voices in my head and I…I could see things. I could see things that nobody else seemed to see. Horrific things."

"Like what?" I ask, still playing along. I know what you saw, Pansy. I saw it too, but I know it was nowhere near as bad for me. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a moment before staring at me.

"Blood. Lots of blood, dripping all over the room. The walls were covered with running blood, it was dripping from the ceiling onto books and people. What sent me over the edge was when the blood began dripping onto me and…oh, Merlin, Draco! I could hear people screaming in pain and sheer terror. Not just one or two people, but thousands and I…I could hear this voice over the top of them. It was velvety, soft and cold. Cold and cruel, telling me that they would only stop screaming once I allowed the voice to take over me." She pauses to take a deep breath again. "Merlin, I swear that I knew that voice, but I just **_can't_** place a name to it…" 

Her ice-blue eyes are fresh with unshed tears as she hugs me fiercely. She places a friendly, chaste kiss on my cheek.

"Thankyou so much, Draco." Her voice is soft and frail. "I know that I sound completely insane but thankyou so much for listening to my problems. You've always been there for me and I'll always be grateful for that. You're the best friend I've ever had."

The feel of her slender body pressed against mine is too much to bear and I can feel my desire for her taking over all of my ability to think logically. Without hesitation, I tilt her head up and kiss her gently on the cheek, then the other. Her face is wet with the tears that she has finally allowed to flow free and they taste salty, but I don't care. This is Pansy, the first, and most likely, the only girl I will ever fall in love with. 

My mind is foggy as my mouth presses gently against hers, opening her mouth and allowing my tongue to slide against hers like velvet over velvet. It's everything I've ever wanted in a kiss. It's deep and passionate and I feel like liquid fire melting and pouring into her mouth yet at the same time it's so gentle it's like I'm trying to kiss a delicate flower. Well, I guess I **_am_** kissing a delicate flower. Her name is Pansy, after the flower, and she seems so delicate right now I feel as if I kiss her too hard she will fall to pieces and float away on the next zephyr. Pansy, Pansy, Pansy, my beautiful, delicate, perfect flower. I love you so much it hurts. I love you but I'm making you suffer and you don't even know it.

My whole world is impossibly perfect until, quite suddenly, she pulls away from me, her normally ivory skin flushed pink and ice blue eyes slightly glazed. But it's in shock and guilt, not lust or love, and what was, for a moment my impossibly perfect world begins to slowly, slowly fall to pieces before my very eyes. 

"Oh, Merlin!" her voice is barely above a whisper as she pulls herself out of my embrace. "Oh Merlin, I'm sorry, Draco…"

"It's alright, Pans…" I try to reassure her as I wrap my arms around her once more. She moves away, shaking her head.

"No! No it isn't!" Her voice rises slightly. "You…**_We_** shouldn't have…" The tears are showing in her eyes again and I can feel a stab of guilt because I know that I caused these tears without intending to. 

"Why not?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. "I wanted it, and you kissed me back which seems to tell me that you wanted it too-"

"No, I mean yes, I mean…oh Merlin, Draco! It was just an accident because we weren't thinking clearly…yes, that's right, it was just an accident, a one-off thing, right Draco?" She grips my arm intently, her eyes boring into mine. I know what answer she wants me to give but I don't think I can. I blink, then stare back into her eyes. 

"Right." I answer, and that one word rips my whole world apart. "It was just an accident. I'm sorry, Pansy." She smiles gratefully. 

"Thanks, Draco." She yawns, putting one hand over her mouth. "I think I'll see if I can sleep now." She begins to exit and I turn back towards the fire, feeling utterly empty.

"Draco?" I turn my head slightly.

"Yes, Pansy?" If this were one of those Mudblood romance novels she would suddenly declare her love for me and jump into my arms and we would make passionate love on the lounge I am sitting on right now. I can almost smile at the thought of that.

"You won't tell anybody about this, will you?" But this is reality. I force a smile onto my face.

"Don't worry, Pansy. I'll never tell."


End file.
